Another Blah

It’s been a while.

Lying awake in bed at night is by far the most uncomfortable,

The most obnoxious, the most annoying

Experience for me.

I don’t know who and which is doing the nudging,

There are a lot of times when I mix up instinct with judgment,

Or when a little anxiety comes to life and consumes me,

Or when past rushes and meets the present,

Those things.

Hmmm.

I get by, sometimes after a few sessions of palpitations,

Sometimes after a constant exchange of sms with a friend,

Sometimes with a pillow under my feet and a blanket

All rolled up under my head.

I get by most of the time, because I try to.

I shrug and doodle and look away.

I get by and wait for the next day to arrive.

A friend once said, “wag na lang”.

I thought, “what a sad , sad statement”.

I used to say that often.

But I am a natural rebel, and a hard headed emotional,

Who draws strength from the weirdos and the

Beautiful songs of Christmas.

I hoard and preserve happy moments.

Those free spirits.

I lie awake at night, almost every night.

I put my pillow under my feet and stare at my

Dark ceiling, or fix my eyes to the black sky outside.

I lie awake, wait for sleep to come

And then thank JC for another beautiful day.

It’s been a while.