It’s been a while.
Lying awake in bed at night is by far the most uncomfortable,
The most obnoxious, the most annoying
Experience for me.
I don’t know who and which is doing the nudging,
There are a lot of times when I mix up instinct with judgment,
Or when a little anxiety comes to life and consumes me,
Or when past rushes and meets the present,
Those things.
Hmmm.
I get by, sometimes after a few sessions of palpitations,
Sometimes after a constant exchange of sms with a friend,
Sometimes with a pillow under my feet and a blanket
All rolled up under my head.
I get by most of the time, because I try to.
I shrug and doodle and look away.
I get by and wait for the next day to arrive.
A friend once said, “wag na lang”.
I thought, “what a sad , sad statement”.
I used to say that often.
But I am a natural rebel, and a hard headed emotional,
Who draws strength from the weirdos and the
Beautiful songs of Christmas.
I hoard and preserve happy moments.
Those free spirits.
I lie awake at night, almost every night.
I put my pillow under my feet and stare at my
Dark ceiling, or fix my eyes to the black sky outside.
I lie awake, wait for sleep to come
And then thank JC for another beautiful day.
It’s been a while.